Do you use family meetings in your home? Over the years we’ve started and forgotten about family meetings for various reasons. The kids seemed too young, was too hard to remember to do it consistently, were they even working??? Well, we picked them up again in the weeks before school started. And am I glad we did! Since the honeymoon of school beginning is over and all the craziness of 3 kids in school and a myriad of after school activities, things have gotten out of control. You know, those days (or weeks) when no one can remember that we get dressed when we get up, brush our teeth after eating, finish our homework before it’s due or that school actually begins with or without you. When no one seems to understand that feet don’t belong on the table, dirty clothes don’t wash themselves, Nutella doesn’t belong in your white bed, and mom’s watch isn’t yours (took me all day to find that one!) When the whining and sibling fighting is driving you crazy enough to seriously contemplate running away. Yup! that’s what our life looks like.
I’ve been so grateful for having reinstated family meetings before this frenzy. It’s a time I look forward to when, words and space are respected without mom nagging. It’s a time when each of the kids can say what they mean and feel heard. And a time that when mom and dad bring up a concern, it’s really important to us and not simply the 32nd time we’ve asked you to put your shoes away.
Here’s the routine we’ve followed in our family. If you have a good process for family meetings, I’d love to hear about it. If you’ve been considering starting them in your family, I hope these ideas give you that extra incentive to give it a try.
1. Create a ritual to begin your meeting. We take turns saying a little blessing for our family. This can be as eloquent or as basic as you’d like. For us, it’s always on the fly, never scripted. It’s sweet to see what your kids come up with as well as a symbolic reminder that we are each other’s blessings.
2. Appreciations – We go around and offer simple appreciations for one another. Not everyone gives one, not everyone gets one. We really want to keep them authentic and beyond “I appreciate dad because he buys me things.” We try and focus on concrete instances that happened that week. “Lucas offered to help the girls when mom was busy.” Both the girls and mom are appreciative. These are going better each time. I emphasize that when we work together and everyone helps, everyone wins. My 3 year old is pretty good up through this point. She likes the snack (or meal), the opening blessing and the appreciations, but after that the attention starts to wane. The older two, 7 and 10 are really coming up with some super sincere and relevant appreciations which is awesome to hear.
3. Issues, conflicts, or concerns anyone wants to bring up. I feel the most important key here is to keep this positive! An issue can be brought up in a way that is productive and not demoralizing or finger pointing. The important part is brainstorming solutions v. complaining about problems. My 7 year old recently asked if we could have a reward jar tied to earning money not related to their monthly allowance. My husband and I said we’d take it into consideration. My 10 year said he needs help from us when he gets really angry. wow! I love this, he does have a temper and to be putting language to it is such a huge step in the right direction. Even if you have very young kids, this is a fundamental step. At the very least, introduce this step if for nothing else but that it is totally hilarious to hear your 3 year old say “um, I have an issue!” Seriously! I try to keep from rolling on the floor laughing EVERY time!
4. What are we looking forward to in the coming week. A great way to move forward, keep things positive and be excited for each other and the parts of their life they are enthusiastic about. The supportive aspect of a family. Maybe it’s the start of a new class or team, a project at school, an evening planned with family or friends, a trip, etc.
5. Announcements – basic but important stuff. “Remember that we always empty our backpacks when we get home from school, this really helps mom,” “Dad will be away Tuesday and Wednesday this week, be helpful.” “Thursdays is Science Fair Night.”
A couple of items we try to do:
* serve a snack or hold it at a mealtime.
* keep it short, simple + positive
* schedule it at the same time each week.
* with older kids, you could even post an agenda somewhere for family members to add to the agenda and know more about what is upcoming at the meeting.
* with younger kids it’s more about establishing the routine and setting aside time so kids know this family works together to solve problems and they are loved unconditionally here.
* finish with a family prayer, blessing, cheer, whatever suits your family. My son has us doing a little team spirit cheer where we each put our hands in, one on top of the other. It’s hokey, but he loves it!
I am by no means an expert on the area. I figured, if we are doing it, others may be too, or thinking about starting in their own families.
Domonique, I love this idea! We will definitely give this a try.
Love this idea! Will be sharing with others!