10 years ago, it was a hot August night. I had spent most of the last few weeks walking our neighborhood as much as my body would permit. You see, I was not a patient expectant mom. I was dying to meet you and could not wait any longer.
10 years ago, you came into my world. You changed me completely, you made me a mother. You are my first baby. You always will be. Someday when you have children of your own you will comprehend all that that means. Because you are my 1st, that will always mean unchartered territory for me. Sometimes I get it right, often I do not. You and your needs are always at the top of my list.
I want you to know how much I love to watch you. I love watching you hike, climb, swim, and zip. I love watching you throw, catch, and smile. Aw, your smile lights your already handsome face. Your smile makes your beautiful spirit all the more engaging.
Lucas, you teach me so many things. You make my heart pound so hard I’m afraid it may burst equally with love and pain. You have so much empathy and wonder and oh, so many questions. You think about everything.
You and I, we our bound in a magical tie that only exists between us. It is me who you come to in the middle of the night after a bad dream. It is me who you yell at when things don’t go quite the way you expect or hope. It is also me, who you tell your secrets to late at night. You ask good questions, some unanswerable, but you trust in me with your heart. I hope to always be your safe place.
10 years ago, I could only hope you would sleep another hour. Today, realizing how quickly the past 10 years has sped by before my eyes, it makes me want to take back each and every bedtime story, campfire snuggle, park date, and bike ride and do them all over again. Holding hands with my now 10 year old son feels so fleeting. Like every time you let me hold your hand I wonder if it will be the last.
Please know that as you step away, I am rooting for you. It may feel like I am trying to hold you back, but I am in your corner cheering you on like no one ever will.
Happy 10th birthday!
I love you always.